Doom Unit

Inspiration

2011-04-13T18:15:00.002-04:00

Began another online campaign recently, trying Pathfinder out. Make a pretty decent spread of you know, the entire world and every living thing in it and figure I need to start working on my tour de force of kick-ass bosses.

OK, it's a steam punk setting and I don't think I've tried making too many mad scientists before. Put on itunes and brainstorm a bit. By the time I'm done I end up with a heinous list, something I am sure could be used by my players as evidence of my base treachery and debauchery:

Don Paolo
Dr Fetus
Franken Fran
Dr Robotnik

Not so much direct rips as homages but I think you can see that the basic ideas alone are enough to generate what you might call super terrible things, whether ironically fantastic or literally trash.

What The Frick

2011-04-06T22:29:00.002-04:00

So over the last three days I have had wicked nostalgia.

For the time I worked at Toys R Us in the Electronics Department.

I want to repeat that because I don't think I've ever been more weirded out and worried about my obvious lack of sanity.

I have had wicked nostalgia for my days of selling video games to tiny nerds.

Splatterhausen Campaign Setting

2009-01-02T15:45:00.000-05:00

The first game of 4th Edition I hosted was called Splatterhausen. I wanted to honor Shinra's awesome Zombiepocalypse campaign with an exciting new Zombiepocalypse.

The basic genesis of the setting is that all the adventurers are in a colossal Dwarven capital city. You know, they hollowed out the mountain and put a nice city in there instead, so they could do tedious crafting work forever while meticulously being the best at tedious crafting work. Ha ha, dwarves!

As per the legal obligations of any horror setting, the PCs are trapped in this area by a suspiciously timed natural disaster. I went with my gut and swung for the fences: a wizard's vendetta and possibly dying contingency was to assail the surrounding farmlands and plains with a swirling hellfire blizzard every seven years.

Hey PCs, guess what year this is. Oh yeah.

So the first session sees a budding emergency situation with two of the PCs being Dwarven Guards. Everybody meets up as they are shoved along the mile-long entrance tunnel into the city proper and I even got the Dwarf Guard PCs to make some decisions and stuff. Whether or not to fully seal the entrance, etc. I mean, it's a giant, ridiculously overcompensatory dwarven entrance gate. That sucker will take an hour to lock and I even had special lock-master NPCs who would be dispatched to spend the hour it would take to make sure all the mastercraft super special soul-forge locks of my dwarven ancestors are properly clicked.

I love little decisions that affect the entire campaign. They elect to close the gate, but only halfway: that is, to seal the guarded stations(which would be abandoned shortly) but leave the formal main gate open. It's just a storm, right?

Once they were at the city proper we move on to the start of the campaign, which is pretty prompt:

DID SOMEBODY SAY ZOMBIES

From there, we played for a few months until I managed to force a tolerable ending due to waning player attendance. Online games are a cursed business, I tell you what.

At least we went long enough for things to become interesting. Aside from the ever-present zombies and the necromanters that may follow, Andrarosa was beset my several other invaders and disasters...

1) This began as an in-joke between me and Norondor, but I made the Arkenslasher into a full-fledged fiendish hunting sword elemental. The Arkenslasher is a plane-traveling animated sword that commands legions of animated armor and weapons to hunt down and defeat worthy foes. It figures that anyone who can survive the zombies qualifies. If the undead get in the way, they are also suitable for sparring. The Arkenslasher would actually become the forced, tolerable last-boss, though he did so admirably.

2) Jorgen is a giant blue slaad who devours magical items to gain power. Andrarosa is a dwarven capital that shelters great lines of powerful magi, devout shrines to Moradin, and the trade lines of dozens of civilizations. What planar hooligan could resist looting during a riot?

3) This became the push of the 3rd and 4th sessions of the campaign: Hob-Goblins! Their army actually marched through the storm and ate the casualties and losses just to invade the home of their hated enemies, establishing a base of operations down the first half of the entrance tunnel. They served as a very satisfactory introduction to mass combat in 4th edition using a Game Table program and produced a boss fight room/scenario I'll have to reproduce or find my notes for...

Looking back, I'm shocked that I was able to host a zombiepocalypse setting in 2008 without unconsciously ripping from Left 4 Dead...

BOSS FIGHT: Shwang Shwing

2008-04-23T15:33:00.009-04:00

Today's Boss Fight is near and dear to my heart, being one of those games in my formative years that turned me from an Easy Moding Nancy Boy to a Challenge Moding Psychotic. I speak of perhaps the most ridiculously cruel game to ever grace the Dreamcast, MDK2. The premise of MDK2 picks right up from the original MDK's simple "Aliens are invading, defeat them." The Aliens are back! Defeat them for good!

MDK2 was a love letter to nerds. Considered absolutely gorgeous for it's time, MDK2 makes amazing use of the Dreamcast's graphics to provide fluid visuals that actually feel pretty alien and bizarre. Each level loads with a unique parody comic-book cover showcasing the level or boss itself, done in the old 40s-60s style of sensationalism. The writing and humor fit right in with the sort of fellow who'd go on to watch Futurama religiously someday. The gameplay was a refreshing mix of Action with Stealth/Sniping, More Intense Action and Puzzle-Solving in an atmosphere that recalls Adventure games, each segment unique to Kurt, Max and the good Doctor respectively. The game was split between these three, a mild-mannered janitor in a super suit, a robotic six-legged dog who could fire four guns simultaneously, and a mad scientist with a penchant for nuclear pastries.

Foremost was MDK2's difficulty. This game was hard. You may wonder how intentional this was on the Third Level, the first level wherein you take control of Dr Fluke Hawkins. The poor Doctor has but a fraction of standard health and can't fight without the aid of an atomic-powered toaster. What makes the level so damn hard is coping with his horrible jumping skills. It's hilarious the first few times when he misses a jump and grabs the ledge, then tires out and lets go.. but things can get pretty annoying when so many of the difficult jumps are this clutch.

Things gets worse and the difficulty curve is quite intentional. The later levels of MDK2 are absolutely villainous in their treatment of the player, demanding perfection from Max's jet-packing skills or precise sniping from Kurt under cruel circumstances. It was with great pride that after a few years I eventually beat MDK2, hacking my way through entirely on my own grit and moxie. As brutal as the game becomes, I'd still heartily recommend it to anyone with a fondness for action games and a zest for the unique. You can most definitely grab the Playstation 2 port for $10 or less, and I hear that offers adjustable difficulty or some such pish-posh.

If you havn't played MDK2 yet, I can understand. Some games are simply so ridiculously hard that they're guaranteed to annihilate 50% of potential fans from the start. Add in an aura of weirdness and you've got a cult classic on your hands. So today I expound on the virtues of one Shwang Shwing, Commander of the Stream Rider Armada.

Shwang Shwing is cool. He's a 300-foot tall alien wearing shades. His dialogue is composed of suave hipster lingo. He outwits the heroic trio initially, imprisoning Kurt and kidnapping Max and is ballsy enough to fight you three god damn times.

In Boss Foightin', there are few things as insanely good as a recurring boss who is also a great boss. This one boss effectively becomes a huge percentage of the game content and builds up a sense of rivalry in the player. This rivalry will burn hard and pure by the end of Stage Four, in which you get to face Shwang Shwing for the first time!

A wide open chamber with numerous power-ups, a circles within circles design, and an ominous domed room. It's huge and you want those power-ups, so your sense of dread is allowed to blossom fully in the 30 seconds it takes you to claim them before heading into the chamber.

well hello

This fight seems simple when you've already done it, and it is, yet it's merits are numerous. You fight ol' SS in a closed room and he'll attempt to flatten you while smashing the floor. Pop him in the shades three times(mind the energy bursts) and the next phase begins with the walls bursting and revealing that you're on a central island, the ground around it has vanished as well and Shwang's got you quite out-maneuvered on the outer ring of the stage. The rest of the fight calls for sniping as Shwang routinely launches beams of light from his shades, flicks exploding, suicidal fleas at you, and occasionally leaps straight at you to try and crush your entire little fighting area, taking a shortcut to the other side of his pathing.

One of the best things here is that whenever Shwang attacks with his leap, you can pause the game.. or just watch him come and go.. and realize that he's beautifully put to full scale. Much like Bagan, it's made apparent to the player that he is fucking with none other than the Mr Big of the enemy forces, both literally and figuratively. It's a little detail that I love every time I feel like repeating the fight. I dunno about the Playstation 2 version, but the Dreamcast VMU saves your progress and allows reloading from ANY checkpoint in every level, which is pretty handy for a guy like me who'll actually make duplicate saves in a game just to repeat a boss fight at a later date.

Your sniping focuses on Shwang Shwing's hand, in which he's holding your robo-canine companion, and after a few shots he'll simply toss Max your way and finally become vulnerable to counter-attack. Hurting Shwang Shwing at all involves timing your sniping to activate a giant laser so that it strikes Shwang just as he's approaching it. Simply triggering it whenever you can won't accomplish much. This first encounter ends as a Puzzle-Boss, albeit a pulse-pounding and really awesome one. Closer inspection of this fight reveals elements of any great encounter: an alarmingly powerful foe, really cool mechanics, a chaotic environment and pressure to perform. Shwang Shwing's Leaping is the most dangerous part of the encounter, as the only way to avoid it is to leap off your platform just before impact, hover briefly, and return before falling into the void of cold, uncaring space. The duos of exploding space fleas he tosses are pretty potent as well. The longer the fight goes, the more likely he is to hit you.

Shwang returns! Twice! It's not immediately obvious in Level 7, even as you fight him. Throughout the level, Kurt is stalked by an obnoxiously powerful, invincible ship, but I suppose that's what he gets for traveling to the alien home world. You get to dismantle it in another tense, exciting sniper fight and Shwang Shwing falls out of it, delightfully in full scale, damning you and experiencing some serious wounds. It's a bit of a minor pit stop on our way to his final encounter, but noteworthy for the continued sense of scale(the ship is essentially a one-man personal ride to our giant antagonist) and his presence. It also sets up nicely for his third and final appearance..

Shwang's final appearance is a bit subdued in comparison to the first, but still golden. And insanely hard. We get to face him as Max, who's focus is on ridiculously tricky jetpacking and over-the-top shooting action, so guess what this fight focuses on?

I love the detail in Shwang Shwing. I mean, they retain his awe-inspiring size throughout the entire game, like some entirely unrelated predecessor to Shadow of the Colossus, tasking you in each fight to find some way to even inflict damage to this gargantuan monster. In his final appearance, poor old Shwang is still recovering from his crash landing against Kurt in the second fight and takes you on in a floating wheelchair, complete with IV drip and two casts. Maybe the devs felt sorry for Shwang, so you're saddled with a three minute timer and a hell of a timing-puzzle fight. The video clip explains it pretty eloquently, so let me just comment that this fight is a hell of a lot crueler when you land in it fresh and have no idea how finnicky the timing on those trap buttons is, and with only three minutes to figure it out, god damn.

Over the course of three encounters and several cinematics, we come to see Shwang Shwing as one hell of a villain. He leads an invasion of Earth, captures two of the heroes and takes them on three individual times, all without becoming stale.

MDK2 only has ten levels, so a guy occupying 30% of the Boss Fights better pull his weight. Let's see how Shwang does it..

He's personable. Some of the other bosses include a Reactor Core, a guy who becomes a Mook in later levels, and a cheeky giant brain-type, but he still stands out in that class act sort of way. He's awe-inspiring. He's three hundred feet tall and practically invincible. He's fresh every time. The first fight is wholly unique, the second fight is a subtle tweak and the third fight is a hard one for entirely new reasons.

Fundamentals of good boss design are present. He puts pressure on you in every fight, you're generally subject to a lot of stuff to watch out for and he's a serious danger. I think his move set in general is a little sparse, particularly in the third battle, but there's even a logical basis for this so it's easy to forgive.

In fact, the pacing of the third encounter is part of the brilliant over-all game pacing, as by this time you're getting ready for the climax of the game. The final boss, Emperor Zizzy Balooba, is a hell of a guy in his own right, so it make sense for the last Shwang Shwing fight to not throw everything the devs have at you.

And it's still ridiculously tricky and hard! Good show, good show.

One final aspect of Shwang Shwing is worth commenting on, and that is the music. Most bosses in MDK2 use the same Boss Theme track and thankfully it's a pretty good one. It's got steady, dramatic rhythm, a comic-book sort of feel, a fine campiness that appeals to one's sense of grandeur in fighting a super villain because you're good and he's evil. Once again we hear the presence of horns and an overall rising dramatic tempo. The sparse bits of odd sounds to help with the game's overall alien feel is good too, but mostly you're thrust into the feel of a sci-fi comic and fighting a giant alien overlord and all that. As you can see, you're also fighting a great one.

Pump this music up and feel it pound through your sternum, the perfect accompaniment to your battles with a such an intimidating, tricky foe! Yeah, baby!

BOSS FIGHT: Bagan

2008-03-21T12:39:00.014-04:00

Possibly my favorite moments in games are produced by boss fights. The terminology is wholly unique to the medium and the majesty associated is like part of a grand tradition. This isn't just an enemy, it's a god damn Boss. Boss would only mean "guy what you do work fer" if video games hadn't slid in and added "Enemy of Distinction."

Today we honor Super Godzilla's last battle with the never-before-seen Bagan.

Super Godzilla is one of those games that I was able to initially tunnel through entirely on youthful vigor and infallible interest. If I had to get into Super Godzilla brand new in modern times I'd probably smash the cartridge sometime during the Mecha-Godzilla fight.

Released on the SNES, Super Godzilla was a pretty interesting non-standard genre entry. Aliens are invading the Earth and using mind-controlled Godzilla monsters to do it. Humanity counters with an "OH YEAH!?" and attaches a mind-control module to a slumbering Godzilla's head and takes control, tasking him to transverse a map full of ufos, smashable buildings/mountains and even tanks, mines and giant tesla coil towers. This all sounds much cooler than the actual game is.

Best plan ever.

Combat takes place on a 2D screen.. approach monster, punch monster, back away and select appropriate attack. Attack cinema starts, and that's it. You try to throw as many attacks as you can at your foe, watch them and go "oooh, ahhhh" at the SNES quality cinemas and hope you kill them first. Primitive, but amusing to watch, as even repeated attacks have alternative scenes.

Before actually foightin', you get to watch Godzilla's upper torso get shot by tanks and topple buildings as he navigates the bottom screen maps until he accomplishes a boring secondary objective or reaches the stage's boss monster.

It's boring, let's talk about monsters.

King Ghidorah - Tutorial boss. Nothing special.

Mecha-Godzilla - Infinite priority full-screen attack. Reflects your most common move. Ha Ha Ho.

Biolante - A pretty standard fight. Has two easily dispatched tentacles, then you get to work.

Battra - Not Mothra, really! Can only be hit by your least common attack! Oh, and after you kill it, you have to race against time to kill it's cocoon or repeat the entire encounter!

At Stage Five, you finally get to the meat of the game. Only takes about 1-2 hours of tedium, honest! Generic Scientist announces that he can overload you with the cellular energy of the cells taken from monsters you've killed and make you Super Godzilla. You're tasked to do this either during Stage Five, which has you racing to defeat Mecha-King Ghidorah before he razes the city, or in Stage 6, which nobody will ever do because fuck yeah Super Godzilla.

Mecha-King Ghidorah will automatically counter and shock you if you don't rattle off attacks as fast as you get them. Otherwise, he's just a slightly harder Ghidorah/Biolante fight. Defeat him and the show begins.

BAGAN!

God damn, Bagan is cool. Your alien foes decided to travel back in time to not just plain old China, but SUPER ANCIENT CHINA to find Bagan, the mightiest of monsters. They inject him with Godzilla and King Ghidorah's cells to make him even nastier, then warp back to the present just to kick your ass in a fair fight! Holy shit!

Bagan was slated to fight Mothra or appear in Destroyah's place or something along those lines, but due to some line of nonsense he has only ever been featured in Super Godzilla. I love the tone of reverence held for him among Godzilla fans. "It is the most popular of the unmade Toho Daikaiju due to its appearance as a final opponent in the Super Nintendo video game, Super Godzilla." Yeah, all twenty of us who actually beat the damn thing.

I love monster movies.

Even if you're some sort of psychotic who passed up going Super in Stage Five, Bagan easily outclasses Godzilla by a full head and a huge spiked shoulder. His hit points are tipped precariously close to four digits and the damage from regular Godzilla's attacks amount to the strength of an enraged fly, dealing perhaps 5-30 at a time.

For me, Bagan was a huge hurdle. I could not for the life of me beat him when I was 10, when I was 12, hell, until I was at least 18. I recall the occasion quite vividly.

I had endured the tedious game proper until now, but I was dreading the outcome. Every time I played Super Godzilla I would quaff the charges on Stage 5, do a merry jib on Mecha-King Ghidorah's corpse and then be obliterated by Bagan as a futilely tapped his mighty frame with my feeble tail swipes.

Ya see, getting the charges in Stage Five practically guarantees that the city will be destroyed by Mecha-King G Dog and Generic Scientist and crew lament that with the city destroyed, they cannot reproduce charges to turn you into Super Godzilla again. Tokyo is doomed!

Why did I press on, trying again every year or two to beat this relic? I was so bull-headed that I couldn't imagine trying Mecha-King G without being Super. Yet press on I did.. and that day would be different.

Things began as usual, but I was older. I had full-fledged reading comprehension, not to mention the patience to use it. I had RPG honed hording instincts fully prepped to drag tons of healing items into this last battle and if nothing else, I had the hopeless optimism to try and grind Bagan down with my shitty 7 damage attacks.

We traded blows, he and I. Bagan's quite an impressively badass monster without being as cheap as Mecha-Godzilla or god damn fucking Battra. He periodically uses a full-screen knock-back tackle and his attacks hit reliably hard, doing about 70-100 damage. My items were fading away and he had 90% of his health left as I prepared to replay the game in the distant future.. when..

Gasp

WHAT'S THIS!? The professor arrives in his ridiculous capsule jet and informs me that they've been able to accumulate more energy while I delayed Bagan! I would be empowered to Super Godzilla status!

I had no idea this could happen and had never even bothered to check for internet help, even though by my 18th year it was widely available. I was absolutely elated by this spontaneous development.

Transforming into the incredible Super Godzilla, with a six-pack so mighty that it condenses into a fucking gem, I faced Bagan with renewed passion. We traded blow upon blow and finally, after a decade, I would emerge triumphant.

Bagan hits so many high points on the Boss-o-meter that it's surprising to see him in a game with so many other crappy bosses.

He is larger than life and intimidates the player utterly. He is over-the-top in a grand, beautiful way and is the absolutely last gloating trump card of the villains. He is insanely powerful without out-right telling the player to fuck off.

Very importantly, you can retreat from the battle with Bagan and search the stage for power-ups, to give you that last bit of juice you need to survive for the Super Godzilla charge-up or simply to complete the game. Good show, developers!

His music is gorgeous for repeating SNES synth. You've got a definite gloom-and-doom mix of rock and rising tempo with some bass notes setting a grim back-drop to the out and out dropping chords of his unstoppable advance. Bagan is then gloriously elevated by the somber horns of the little tune to a wailing(of chords and horn) build-up, prompting the player to engage in the most ultimate of duels.

Bagan excels because in this game itself, he is the only proper example of a full-fledged fight between Godzilla and a comparable monster. Most of the others almost blatantly cheat or neuter your combat prowess to the point where things aren't fun. Bagan drops me to a pit of despair and then raises me to glorious final combat with the returned realization of Super Godzilla status.

ROAR

So there you have it. The last battle with Bagan in Super Godzilla is a freaking badass experience that makes enduring the game before it worthwhile. Truly an entry in the Boss Fight Hall of Fame.